200 Days - From The Pages Of Me

Day 28...
My heart feels steady but my head feels clouded. Not sure which my heart is settled on or maybe its just comfortable with the peace or settlement of not feeling for either of the choices. I hope when I do make a decision that my heart doesn't fall afterward. I don't want to go through it - the real thing this time.
Truthfully I feel nothing right now but my emotions are at a non-reactive state and I hope my logics are steering me in the right direction, whether I don't feel the need for his love anymore or that I'm grateful for the fact that in spite of it all, he still cares.

My biggest worry is if the love is still there. Will I ever know more than what my heart wants to believe? I think I should go while the feeling still feels mutual so the love -- however strong it may be will not interfere and cloud my decision all over again.
LOVE SUCKS.

Day 32...
Do you see this smile? It means something. I have been blessed with the opportunity of a second chance -- or third maybe; at love. I've found a new love and he's on his way in my arms in 5 days! Counting down to that glorious day.

Day 33...
So many joys in my life right now. I'm surrounded by good people. I need to keep myself afloat of all this before I lose control. Something bad could rise from this, so I need to keep my cool. On the same note, I've never had such a delightful day. Awaiting three more days for my new found love to come to me...I can't wait!

Enthusiasm is in overdrive. Time cannot keep still in her seat. Motivation won't wipe that silly grin off her face. Jealousy had everything to do with this and Gluttony is enjoying the show. High Hopes loves this kind of party.


This Mirror
I see the 'you' that only I can see...can you see me?
This reflection of you before me,
The essence of insecurity you have the way I feel about you,
The way I see you
More clearly than a shard of crystal
Can you tell I feel the same?
Looking for the reflection -- my reflection;
The way I appear to you
If only I could catch a glimpse so I can understand why you love me
This mirror...looking at you, looking at me
If I could reach out to touch you;
Mimicking my gesture and interfered with the uncertain reflection of me staring back, fingers touching
You disappeared
And it's just me.